Grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

When I first discovered acceptance it was a novel concept. I thought: what do you mean accept? Unconditionally? Completely? Good stuff and bad, without a fight??

It’s a pretty big ask not to brace yourself, run or freeze in agony. Instead to actually just accept each situation and life event, as is. We instinctively have an innate desire to challenge those thoughts, feelings, emotions and ‘mind monsters’ that are so desperate to convince you of danger and bad stuff.

My go-to has always been to fix; to try to help others, to heal and resolve. Maybe not Olivia Pope kind of glamour and attitude, but definitely a fixer! The thought of accepting certain relationships, sitting with feelings and acknowledging that some situations don’t always have a solution or even need fixing, is an alien concept to me. Yet, the more I questioned this, the less I could justify my rationale.

I discovered, whilst meandering through this mind map, that holding onto unattainable goals, staying in dark places and maintaining difficult relationships was simply causing me more pain than doing good. I also realised that some things don’t change and some people don’t change, so I get to choose to stay or leave, but I also have a responsibility to make my own decisions and importantly to accept my own decisions, whichever path I choose.

The mind monsters are power hungry and giving them so much attention actually puts them on a pedestal making them feel super important. Still, we allow these negative thoughts to consume us, generating rubbish feelings to attach the thoughts to and creating that perpetuating vicious cycle of anxiety, low mood and distress. I didn’t have to like what I was learning to know I had to accept, or even support that perpetuating cycle of distress.

However, I could choose not to let it consume me and impact on my daily social, emotional and psychological well-being. Choosing seemed to play a big role in this theatrical production, racing thorough my mind and the penny dropped that the choices actually lie with me! Acceptance isn’t about letting go but just letting it be.

That’s not to say without any judgement or discomfort, but simply not feeding those greedy mind monsters that revel in causing distress. It’s choosing to make a space for all the stuff we are fighting. A space for everyone and everything and to sit with this choice, to accept without wringing every last ounce of energy from us. It gets exhausting eventually.

A good friend once told me to choose my battles wisely and that has stayed with me ever since. Through life’s cycle of challenges and resistance, sometimes we can give ourselves permission to take off all that heavy armour and rest..."for after all, the best thing one can do when it is raining is let it rain.” – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

THRIVE AND SHINE

Tara x